Sunday, October 25, 2009

Stranger Sister

I had to obtain permission to write this blog as it requires the revealing of secrets that weren’t mine to tell. Having received permission I am going to proceed delicately. I don’t want to say or reveal anything I wasn’t given express permission to say.

I grew up with my mom and three brothers. Growing up there wasn’t anything I wanted more than a sister. I wanted so badly for my youngest brother to be a girl. That was not in the cards. I found out some years later that I already had a sister. My mother, when she was younger, had another girl. She, being young and broke, could not keep her. She did the very unselfish thing and gave her up for adoption. I commend her for what she did. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. She never really expressed regret for doing what she thought was the right thing. I always secretly thought that perhaps she wanted to have been able to keep the baby. She had been asked by various family members if she intended to one day look for the child she gave up. She always had the same reply. That this person had the right to her own life and she had no right to interfere. If my mother was contacted by her then it would be different. She would then wish to get to know her. I think that my mom wouldn’t allow herself to hope for something that might never come to pass.

I few weeks ago my mom received a message from a woman saying that she had been doing some research and she thought that they might be related. She asked if she could write back and perhaps they could exchange information. My mother looked at this person’s MySpace profile and discovered that almost everything fit. My mother wrote her back, but hasn’t heard anything since. My mom was very careful in her response. She didn’t say anything about being her mother. She simply responded that she might be right and to write her back with more info if she wanted.

There is no doubt in my mind that this person is my sister. She is the spitting image of my mother if there ever was one. She’s the right age. She was born in the right time frame. The real question is why did she go through all the trouble of contacting my mother if she didn’t plan on following through? It’s been a month since her original message. Perhaps she doesn’t have constant access to a computer. But if she could get to a computer to write the message to my mom then why hasn’t she since gotten to the computer to write back?

This is a difficult subject for me. I want so badly to know her, but there is nothing I can do if she doesn’t want the same thing. It is one thing to have another mother, but quite another to have an entire other family. I wouldn’t want to impose on her, but she contacted my mother first. One can make the argument that she was testing to see if the next steps would be taken by us. I don’t know her motivations at all, really. I just keep going through all these different scenarios in my head just as my mom has, I’m sure. My mother says that maybe she just needs more time. I’m impatient. I’m thinking of writing her and introducing myself. I’m thinking of looking her phone number up and giving her a call. I don’t actually think I’ll do that. I’m not that brave. I think I’d probably get hung up on, in any case.

I wonder if I should contact her. Take the chance. The worst case scenario is outright rejection. I think I can handle that. I haven’t known a sister all my life. I guess I can go the rest of it without. After all, I love my brothers. They have been the family I have known. The question is what would anyone else do in my place?

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