Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Ocotillo: a poem with pictures

I'm naked when my flowers bloom.
My thorns are laid bare,
And embarassment shines
On my red cheeks.

When it rains I drape myself
In green velvet to my toes.
I feel beautiful
Both without and with my clothes.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Misunderstood Little Miss

I woke up this morning to loud hysterical screaming. All in a moment a million scenarios went through my head as to what could be wrong. I prodded James as I had been up nursing the baby at the time, and he jumped like there was a fire to go see what the matter was. The next thing I heard was arguing between James and Isabella. Of course I had to derail the situation. It seems Isabella was screaming for me at almost 6:30 in the morning for no other reason than to tell me that she really wanted to go to school. James was annoyed to say the least. He was in there arguing with her about screaming through the house so early in the morning and the fact that she was most certainly NOT going to school. I went in and felt her forehead which was as hot as it was last night. I told James not to argue with her and that I would take care of it. It seems I am always telling him not to argue with her. You would think he would know better. Anyway, I had to explain to this very irrational feverish child that she could not go to school and she could not scream through the house at 6:30 in the morning unless it was a dire emergency. End of crisis.

Now everyone who knows me knows also that I have 5 kids. Not so much when you really think about it. Even less when all are well behaved children. My kids are, for the most part, pretty well behaved. Gabriel is more than a little spoiled *coughdaddycough*. But for that he would be very good. As it is, I have to put up with a lot of fit throwing. *eye roll*

I have one really tough case. Isabella. Isabella has a problem with the word no. A big problem. I could say no ‘till I’m blue in the face and she would still keep on asking. If it is something she really wants then I and James are in for a raging, screaming, kicking, and sometimes biting and scratching hissy fit. On this I am not even close to exaggerating. I have learned to cut off the conversation on most cases when the argument is between her and me. I can say, “No, and this conversation is over.” It works 9 times out of 10. When it is she and James, however, I have to be brought in to derail the situation. When it is just him it almost always turns into the above extreme situation. She has no respect for his authority and he doesn’t give her the respect she deserves either. It’s so frustrating! I have told him time and again how to handle tense situations with her, but he just won’t listen. It’s like having an extra child.

Most of my family has chosen favorites amongst my children. (My mom excluded) My younger brothers are partial to Roxanne. They think she is cute, sweet, and kind hearted. They are right, but I can’t help feeling that Isabella is misunderstood and ill treated on the in-law’s side especially (my father-in-law and brother-in-law, Nick excluded). That is why I am so grateful to my older brother, David who blatantly favors Isabella. I know I shouldn’t encourage such behavior in my family, but there are so many things one can’t help. Isabella is so misunderstood by so many people that I can’t help but want her to feel special and loveable.

I recently found out that Isabella probably has a behavioral disorder called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). I get this really helpful newsletter that helps parents deal with difficult children called Empowering Parents. It has helped me a lot. My question to all of you is how do I get everyone on board with me? Should I just tell everyone that I will deal with her myself? Is there some advice anyone can give me on how to deal with my tough case?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Stranger Sister

I had to obtain permission to write this blog as it requires the revealing of secrets that weren’t mine to tell. Having received permission I am going to proceed delicately. I don’t want to say or reveal anything I wasn’t given express permission to say.

I grew up with my mom and three brothers. Growing up there wasn’t anything I wanted more than a sister. I wanted so badly for my youngest brother to be a girl. That was not in the cards. I found out some years later that I already had a sister. My mother, when she was younger, had another girl. She, being young and broke, could not keep her. She did the very unselfish thing and gave her up for adoption. I commend her for what she did. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. She never really expressed regret for doing what she thought was the right thing. I always secretly thought that perhaps she wanted to have been able to keep the baby. She had been asked by various family members if she intended to one day look for the child she gave up. She always had the same reply. That this person had the right to her own life and she had no right to interfere. If my mother was contacted by her then it would be different. She would then wish to get to know her. I think that my mom wouldn’t allow herself to hope for something that might never come to pass.

I few weeks ago my mom received a message from a woman saying that she had been doing some research and she thought that they might be related. She asked if she could write back and perhaps they could exchange information. My mother looked at this person’s MySpace profile and discovered that almost everything fit. My mother wrote her back, but hasn’t heard anything since. My mom was very careful in her response. She didn’t say anything about being her mother. She simply responded that she might be right and to write her back with more info if she wanted.

There is no doubt in my mind that this person is my sister. She is the spitting image of my mother if there ever was one. She’s the right age. She was born in the right time frame. The real question is why did she go through all the trouble of contacting my mother if she didn’t plan on following through? It’s been a month since her original message. Perhaps she doesn’t have constant access to a computer. But if she could get to a computer to write the message to my mom then why hasn’t she since gotten to the computer to write back?

This is a difficult subject for me. I want so badly to know her, but there is nothing I can do if she doesn’t want the same thing. It is one thing to have another mother, but quite another to have an entire other family. I wouldn’t want to impose on her, but she contacted my mother first. One can make the argument that she was testing to see if the next steps would be taken by us. I don’t know her motivations at all, really. I just keep going through all these different scenarios in my head just as my mom has, I’m sure. My mother says that maybe she just needs more time. I’m impatient. I’m thinking of writing her and introducing myself. I’m thinking of looking her phone number up and giving her a call. I don’t actually think I’ll do that. I’m not that brave. I think I’d probably get hung up on, in any case.

I wonder if I should contact her. Take the chance. The worst case scenario is outright rejection. I think I can handle that. I haven’t known a sister all my life. I guess I can go the rest of it without. After all, I love my brothers. They have been the family I have known. The question is what would anyone else do in my place?

Friday, October 23, 2009


People who know me know that I like to take pictures. My favorite subjects by far are my children. They are pretty cooperative and I have gotten some truely stunning photos of them.






The girls tend to be more cooperative than the boys. I naturally have more pictures of them. I am hoping once the boys are older they will prove to like having their picture taken a bit more. Maybe I can even get them to pose the way I want them to instead of having to catch them looking cute.

Stay tuned for more pictures of my favorite subjects and more.


This is the third time I have named my blog. Originally, the blog was about my kids, but that didn't seem right. Then, the blog was supposed to be about other things, but that didn't seem right. This is my third and final attempt at framing a blog that somehow fits me. It is now about anything and everything happening in my life or anything I happen to think of as worthy of a blog post.

This most recent blog name is one I think I will go ahead and keep. I thought of it last night at about 1:30 am. I couldn't sleep, you see. I feel it is an appropriate name. My favorite color is emerald, and this blog will be about everything that I can think of to blog about. Wish me luck.