Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Remembering the Waves

Remembering the Waves

The sun shines through my eyelids
I am remembering the waves
They offer the only comfort
To be had on sunny days
And when they touch my feet
And the wind grazes my hair
I taste the salty sweetness
Of the briny, sticky air

The sand is warm and moist
I make impressions with my feet
I'm gathering the seashells
That I probably won't keep
And the seabirds call to me
To join them on their dives
Alas the time has come
For me to open up my eyes

The atmosphere is dry
And no moisture touches skin
No toes upon the beach
No ocean to be in
I lift my lids to difference
The arid desert looms
I must be contented with
The Sonoran cactus blooms

-Marjorie Napier-

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Ideas come from Strange Places

Just a short post today. I've been racking my brain all week to think of a suitable post to follow "Finding a Father and other Fluff" but I just couldn't. Just an update on that situation then and a little extra something else.

Wow, it's been a big week and long lost family members are coming out of the woodwork. They are Mexican so you can rest assured it is a big family! *coughstereotypecough* Well, if the shoe fits... Anyway, it's been really fun getting all their messages and friend requests on facebook. I'm just having trouble keeping them all straight. I guess that if that is the worst of the problems I have I must be doing pretty darn good.

On to the Ideas

I think I might finally have an idea for a book! It came to me in a dream the other morning (no it wasn't about vampires) and I had the feeling that I had the dream before. So I have to do a little research and find out about the timelines and geography and other things I'm not going to tell you all about just yet. I also am not sure about character motivations and all those technicalities. I'm hopeful that that stuff will come to me later.

I also had another idea for a book last night right before I got to sleep, but I'm not sure it's that original. So that one is up in the air right now. At least there is a clear character in this one. I just don't know if that character is likable enough. We will see.

All in all I think my week has been pretty great for book ideas and bad for blog ideas. It's also been a great week for family. Happy Father's day everyone.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Finding a Father and other Fluff

Finding a Father

It's been one heck of a couple of weeks and I was determined to blog more. Even after I told you all my hiatus was over I was forced to take a while to reflect on some recent developments in my life. Such as it is, I guess this will be an over share day. With over sharing though comes a greater understanding of who I am, and I hope you don't object to knowing me a little better.

I was watching Glee last Tuesday night. If you don't know Glee is an awesome show about a high school Glee club with lots of singing and dancing and a sexy teacher. Anyway, on the commercial break I went to the computer to check my facebook page and such. When I got onto my page I discovered I had a new message. I looked in my message inbox and to my utter astonishment I had been sent a message from none other than my long lost father whom I had never met.

Have you ever thoroughly convinced yourself that you didn't care about something that perhaps you should care about but can't bring yourself to admit it, because that would mean a disappointment if what you wanted didn't ever happen? Well, this father issue is something that I had convinced myself that I didn't care about. I've even said I didn't care on this very blog. So when I got his message on Tuesday it was more than a punch in the gut to realize that I actually DO care about getting to know my father. A lot.

In his message he expressed regret for not being there for me when I was growing up. The fact that he felt the need to apologize for something so thoroughly out of his control pulled on my heart strings and brought me to tears. He could have fought to be in my life IF he had had any money to speak of and IF he had been a legal citizen at the time. As it was, he was in no position to do anything about it, and I believe my mother had the right to want to move on with her life as well. I have zero blame to lay at the feet of either of my parents. It wouldn't be fair. Everyone deserves a chance to move beyond the past and apologies are wholly unnecessary. What matters is what happens now.

So what does happen now? I hardly know how to go about getting to know my father. I have lived so long without one. I only know that I will do my best to get to know this man with such a good natured face with thick accented and lovingly expressed words of regret and joy at finding his oldest child.

Other Fluff

I changed my blog layout! I think it looks a lot better. What do you all think?

Oh and I was given the Sugar Doll award by Cruella Collett at The Giraffability of Digressions. http://thegiraffabilityofdigressions.blogspot.com/

Mari AKA Cruella has expressed that there is an unwritten rule about this award that she dislikes. It's usually only given to other women. So she went ahead and passed it on to a man. Good for her I say. I'll follow her good example in non-sexism and pass this award on to an awesome male blogger that I recently discovered. His name is Spuds and he writes a blog called Carrying a Cat by the Tail. http://blirred-reality.blogspot.com/ He is the single father of six, and his posts are always uplifting. As a matter of fact, they are hilarious. I'm not sure who else to give this to who hasn't already received it, so I'll be content with just passing it on to this one awesome blogger.

For those of you who love pictures. I took my youngest outside in the heat the other day because he was restless. I figured I could get some pictures out there without the other kids jumping in the way. Perhaps the afternoon sun was a little much for optimal photographing conditions, but I took them anyway. Enjoy!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Parenting the Child You Have

Parenting the Child You Have

I would like to take a moment to remember James Lehman who recently died from a long illness. For the past couple of years I have been receiving his newsletter Empowering Parents. You see I couldn't afford his really expensive parenting program DVDs, But I figured his newsletter was the next best thing. I was right. He said that you should parent the child you have and not the child you wish you had. This brings me to an example I just HAD to blog about as it is a prime example of parenting while absolutely blind to the defects of your child.

My mother was having a conversation with an old friend the other day who happens to hate her daughter's ex-boyfriend to the point of ridiculousness. My mother and I happen to know said ex-boyfriend very well. Anyway, my mother's friend asked if we had heard from him. My mother replied that she hadn't. Here's where it gets interesting. She told my mom that she was "worried" because she had been smelling pot around the house and thought perhaps that the ex-boyfriend had passed on and was haunting her house.

Just to be clear: Woman smells pot. Woman's mind does NOT go where mine went right away when I heard that part of the story *coughdaughtercough*. It has to be a pot smoking ghost of an ex-boyfriend! This is extreme parent denial, and maybe slightly insane.

Now I know a lot about this person's daughter. I know I know more than she does. Her daughter is far from a saint. If I weren't loyal with secrets the things I could tell her..... And since the daughter is an adult I am under no obligation as a concerned adult to tell those secrets.

My point is, why is this woman unwilling to admit to the defects of her own child? It's because she was parenting the child she wished she had. She allowed the wool to be pulled over her eyes over and over again, because she was unwilling to cope with having a child that made bad, even dangerous choices as a teenager. She was unwilling to admit that she had done anything wrong or had failed at anything or just didn't know how to deal with a situation as a parent. I can't even begin to say how dangerous I think this is.

How many of you out there know parents that will rush to their own child's defense even when they are in the wrong? A parent that refuses to accept that a bad situation could have arisen even partly from their child's behaviors or choices?

I guess this is so disturbing to me because I have a mom that refused to give me an out when I did something wrong. She did not make excuses for me or my brothers. Granted she didn't always know how to handle a situation, and she didn't always handle things the right way. That's to be said for every parent under the sun. I CAN say that she always called us on our BS, and never defended wrong decisions we made. So at the end of the day when we mess up we can't blame her for not teaching us right from wrong.

What I intent to do as a parent is try my hardest. I intend to always call my children out on their BS. I intends to defend my kids when they need it and discipline my kids when they are in the wrong. I intend to keep my blinders off so I can truly see my kids for who they really are. That way I can encourage them to improve where I see needs improvement. If any of my children are doing something that is selfish, greedy, judgemental, etc. I reserve the right to point those actions out as wrong and to try and help them learn how to handle the situations that life throws at them differently. That is my job.

I would also encourage everyone who is a parent to Google Empowering Parents and get the newsletter. It has helped me a lot.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Hiatus Over and Partners in Crime

Hiatus over

So I took a break. Thought you were rid of me didn't you? Haha, Fooled you! Well, the reason I took a long break was because it was the end of the school year and lots of things were happening at once. Then I just needed a little while without feeling the obligation to blog. It feels good to be back though.

Partners in Crime

Today my brother trashed the bathroom.
There was water everywhere.
I went in to help him.
I put hand soap in his hair.

And when we were done in that room
We moved on to greater things
Painting on the table
Some brightly colored rings.

After that we trashed the sofa
With peanut spread and jelly.
Mom won't find half-eaten sandwiches
Until they're really smelly.

Then we ran around the house
Like we were going crazy
Until we were told to tidy up.
That's when we acted lazy.

-Marjorie Napier-