Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Finding a Father and other Fluff

Finding a Father

It's been one heck of a couple of weeks and I was determined to blog more. Even after I told you all my hiatus was over I was forced to take a while to reflect on some recent developments in my life. Such as it is, I guess this will be an over share day. With over sharing though comes a greater understanding of who I am, and I hope you don't object to knowing me a little better.

I was watching Glee last Tuesday night. If you don't know Glee is an awesome show about a high school Glee club with lots of singing and dancing and a sexy teacher. Anyway, on the commercial break I went to the computer to check my facebook page and such. When I got onto my page I discovered I had a new message. I looked in my message inbox and to my utter astonishment I had been sent a message from none other than my long lost father whom I had never met.

Have you ever thoroughly convinced yourself that you didn't care about something that perhaps you should care about but can't bring yourself to admit it, because that would mean a disappointment if what you wanted didn't ever happen? Well, this father issue is something that I had convinced myself that I didn't care about. I've even said I didn't care on this very blog. So when I got his message on Tuesday it was more than a punch in the gut to realize that I actually DO care about getting to know my father. A lot.

In his message he expressed regret for not being there for me when I was growing up. The fact that he felt the need to apologize for something so thoroughly out of his control pulled on my heart strings and brought me to tears. He could have fought to be in my life IF he had had any money to speak of and IF he had been a legal citizen at the time. As it was, he was in no position to do anything about it, and I believe my mother had the right to want to move on with her life as well. I have zero blame to lay at the feet of either of my parents. It wouldn't be fair. Everyone deserves a chance to move beyond the past and apologies are wholly unnecessary. What matters is what happens now.

So what does happen now? I hardly know how to go about getting to know my father. I have lived so long without one. I only know that I will do my best to get to know this man with such a good natured face with thick accented and lovingly expressed words of regret and joy at finding his oldest child.

Other Fluff

I changed my blog layout! I think it looks a lot better. What do you all think?

Oh and I was given the Sugar Doll award by Cruella Collett at The Giraffability of Digressions. http://thegiraffabilityofdigressions.blogspot.com/

Mari AKA Cruella has expressed that there is an unwritten rule about this award that she dislikes. It's usually only given to other women. So she went ahead and passed it on to a man. Good for her I say. I'll follow her good example in non-sexism and pass this award on to an awesome male blogger that I recently discovered. His name is Spuds and he writes a blog called Carrying a Cat by the Tail. http://blirred-reality.blogspot.com/ He is the single father of six, and his posts are always uplifting. As a matter of fact, they are hilarious. I'm not sure who else to give this to who hasn't already received it, so I'll be content with just passing it on to this one awesome blogger.

For those of you who love pictures. I took my youngest outside in the heat the other day because he was restless. I figured I could get some pictures out there without the other kids jumping in the way. Perhaps the afternoon sun was a little much for optimal photographing conditions, but I took them anyway. Enjoy!


Cruella Collett said...

Oh, wow - that IS a lot to handle. It sounds like you are at the right place with regards to your father, though; acknowledging that there are several stories in the fact that he has been missing from your life, and being willing to listen to them.

Also, the new layout and the pictures of your soon looks great :)

Rayna M. Iyer said...

You are a very wise woman, Marjorie. And getting that message must have turned a lot of paradigms on its head. Have you realised how may huge events you have had since you started blogging. First a sister, and now a father.

All the best, and love you.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I guessed you were in a state of shock with your long lost father getting in touch, I think I would freak out. Hope everything falls into place for you,
Loved the pictures and congrats on the well deserved award.
Love the new layout.


The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Firstly, LOVE the new layout. SEcondly, WOW. The message from your father must have come as quite a shock! So will you meet him? Gosh, you sound almost like my MC in my WIP. Good luck! I'll be thinking of you. xx

Nf1andprek-whisper said...

i like the new layout better. I do not give advice much, but IF you meet your dad be careful I have heard horrible stories of my friends who meet there dads they were adopted but the dads had hidden agendas... I hope it made you happy to see the message...I am glad you got to know of him.

Watery Tart said...

Marjorie-I am so happy for you! I love that he found you. And I know exactly what you mean about the 'not daring to care' but realizing you do. I hope this delicate new relationship is a wonderful, enriching one. I also admire that you hold no blame--I think there are a lot of people who might not be able to step back from it and look at everyone so objectively, but I think you are right--we all do our best, and sometimes the best of a lot of crummy options is just crummy.

(your little guy is SO CUTE!)

Marjorie said...

@ Mari- I FEEl like I'm in a good place with all of this.

@ Natasha- I know! Long lost relatives are coming out of the woodwork.

@ Yvonne- I DID freak out the first night. I zoned out on Glee for the remainder of the hour and snapped at anyone that wanted to talk to me. Then, I went into my room and panicked. Just a little.

@ Jessica- eventually I think I will meet him. He's living clear across the country though so it might be hard to set that up.

@ whisper- I'm definately taking a risk. That's why I freaked out at first. Now that I have decided though whatever happens, happens.

@ Tami- I think that's what the difference is between me now and when I was a teenager. Teens rarely think rationaly and I'm so glad he found me now instead of then. Back then I may have been looking to lay blame. And thanks! I think so, but I'm biased.

Anonymous said...

I can relate (slightly) to "finding" your father.

A few months ago, my sister who had been adopted at birth came looking for my mother (after 34 years), we're lucky, we've had a "happy ending" to our story.

It is not an easy decision to make - may God give you wisdom, insight, strength and courage on this journey.

Marjorie said...

Wow Eve. My sister that was adopted out at birth found us recently as well. It's been an interesting year.

Ellie said...

I say embrace this wonderful opportunity! I love that you don't put any blame at anyone's feet.
This is a rare gift; I hope you two, build a unique, happy relationship. I hope for a happy beginning, middle and ending... xXx

Anonymous said...

Wow! Seems like you've had quite a year! Funny thing is that along with a father, you get two more sisters. lol what an ever-growing family!