Finding a Father
It's been one heck of a couple of weeks and I was determined to blog more. Even after I told you all my hiatus was over I was forced to take a while to reflect on some recent developments in my life. Such as it is, I guess this will be an over share day. With over sharing though comes a greater understanding of who I am, and I hope you don't object to knowing me a little better.
I was watching Glee last Tuesday night. If you don't know Glee is an awesome show about a high school Glee club with lots of singing and dancing and a sexy teacher. Anyway, on the commercial break I went to the computer to check my facebook page and such. When I got onto my page I discovered I had a new message. I looked in my message inbox and to my utter astonishment I had been sent a message from none other than my long lost father whom I had never met.
Have you ever thoroughly convinced yourself that you didn't care about something that perhaps you should care about but can't bring yourself to admit it, because that would mean a disappointment if what you wanted didn't ever happen? Well, this father issue is something that I had convinced myself that I didn't care about. I've even said I didn't care on this very blog. So when I got his message on Tuesday it was more than a punch in the gut to realize that I actually DO care about getting to know my father. A lot.
In his message he expressed regret for not being there for me when I was growing up. The fact that he felt the need to apologize for something so thoroughly out of his control pulled on my heart strings and brought me to tears. He could have fought to be in my life IF he had had any money to speak of and IF he had been a legal citizen at the time. As it was, he was in no position to do anything about it, and I believe my mother had the right to want to move on with her life as well. I have zero blame to lay at the feet of either of my parents. It wouldn't be fair. Everyone deserves a chance to move beyond the past and apologies are wholly unnecessary. What matters is what happens now.
So what does happen now? I hardly know how to go about getting to know my father. I have lived so long without one. I only know that I will do my best to get to know this man with such a good natured face with thick accented and lovingly expressed words of regret and joy at finding his oldest child.
I changed my blog layout! I think it looks a lot better. What do you all think?
Oh and I was given the Sugar Doll award by Cruella Collett at The Giraffability of Digressions. http://thegiraffabilityofdigressions.blogspot.com/
Mari AKA Cruella has expressed that there is an unwritten rule about this award that she dislikes. It's usually only given to other women. So she went ahead and passed it on to a man. Good for her I say. I'll follow her good example in non-sexism and pass this award on to an awesome male blogger that I recently discovered. His name is Spuds and he writes a blog called Carrying a Cat by the Tail. http://blirred-reality.blogspot.com/ He is the single father of six, and his posts are always uplifting. As a matter of fact, they are hilarious. I'm not sure who else to give this to who hasn't already received it, so I'll be content with just passing it on to this one awesome blogger.
For those of you who love pictures. I took my youngest outside in the heat the other day because he was restless. I figured I could get some pictures out there without the other kids jumping in the way. Perhaps the afternoon sun was a little much for optimal photographing conditions, but I took them anyway. Enjoy!