Fear
As far back as I can remember I have been afraid of spiders. I would scream when I saw one even when I was a tiny little girl. To this day spiders terrify me, but my fear has extended itself to almost every member of the insect and arachnid population.
When I was about 5 years old I used to hide behind a bush and play with the snails that lived there. I would grab up rolly pollies (also known as pill bugs) and watch them roll into a ball so I could roll them around for a while. I could pick up a lady bug and watch it fly away.
Alas, those days are over. You couldn't get me to touch even a ladybug. There was a time I had a ladybug in my house. The surprise I felt when I couldn't bring myself to touch it to set it free was a startling revelation about myself. I had never faced my fear, and I had allowed it to escalate beyond reason. Why should I be afraid to touch a ladybug? Nothing could prepare me for the guilt I felt at seeing all my children yelp in fear at the slightest insect. I had projected my own fears onto them.
It was a particularly nice day to play outside, and that's exactly what my kids were doing. I heard a screech and went running to see what the matter was. A bug, of course. I went out to see what type of bug it was. It was only a love bug. The yard was infested. I knew that I would never get the kids to come back outside unless I did something drastic. "There's nothing wrong with these little bugs, kids. See?" I braced myself for what I was about to do. I dug deep and swallowed my fear. I picked up the little bug and I let it crawl across my hand. I saw my kids relax as I showed them that this bug was not going to hurt me or them. I watched them as the went back outside to play. Then, I ran to where they couldn't see me and shook my hand off violently. I then washed it. But I couldn't help but feel that I had accomplished something significant in biting back my fear for the moments it took me to dispel my children's fears.
The End
9 comments:
Fear is not a nice thing to have, I have a real fear that I know is irrational but have tried to push it out of my mind. My husband had cancer twice which eventually ended his life, just as I was coming to terms with that my eldest son was diagnosed with cancer, he is in remission and hopefully he will be ok. I had to have a routine cervical cancer test last year, result? adnormal
well I was really scared, had to have a test at the hospital which came back inflamation of some cells....no sign of cancer but have to have 6 monthly check ups the next being next week.
I know it's for my own good but positive as I am fear do get the better sometimes.
Take care.
Yvonne.
@ Yvonne- I'm sorry for your loss and the fact that you have had to go through so much concerning cancer. But I'm sure you will be fine. Don't be afraid. :-) (says the chicken)
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Marjorie-I can picture that SO CLEARLY--acting brave in order to be a good mom and then TOTALLY freaking out! I inflicted the fear on my daughter that someone would 'take her' when she was little (she was really a beautiful little girl) and when we moved out of the city to safe little Ann Arbor she had a MELT DOWN when i walked around a corner in a grocery store. Those really are SO transferable.
I don't LIKE spiders (though I only freak out if they are BIG and INSIDE) but other bugs I sorta dig... I particularly like various beetles.
@Tami- Oh my gosh, I am SO like that with my kids. Telling them you never know who's a crazy freak. I might need to cool it. Your girl absolutely is beautiful now so I can imagine when she was little.
Good for you. All for the greater good, huh? :)
You are so brave; I am happy that you did that for your children! Fear is a terrible thing...
I started having it really bad, a year ago.
My cousins use to be so scared of thundershowers because my Aunt was. You were smart to do this, even though it was major for you!
I am so proud of you for confronting your fears so your kids would get over their's. Lovely story.
And that photograph? Did you take it?
@ Lisa- Yes definately!
@ Ellie- Thanks. I feel like such a coward most of the time.
@ Natasha- Sadly I did not take that photo. Found it on the internet. I don't take pictures of bugs. Wish I had though. It's a good photo.
Great job on taking a step out and conquering your fear. Its so admirable that you saw something affecting your children and sought to right it. Bravo.
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